The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i now understand why vodka
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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