if i died would you start the facebook group?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
