Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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