i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
