so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
