she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
