If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize