Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
