He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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