When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize