No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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