i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
