The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
