sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
operation harelip BJ is a go
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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