This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
