We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
