No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
