so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
