There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
