I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
