Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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