i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize