I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
