I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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