Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize