I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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