Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
