That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
