Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
