I'm drive I can fine osifer
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize