Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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