Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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