So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
