return my video game
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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