Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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