Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
