all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
