I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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