Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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