Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
