We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
