two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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