It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
if i died would you start the facebook group?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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