I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
