why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
