you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
There's always time for handjobs
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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