I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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