youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
