so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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