worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
