i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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