When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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