Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
