A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
