shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
