I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
