My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
