So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
