You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
