You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
