ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
