My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My life is pants optional.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
