I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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