I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
