i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
