so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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