After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
