she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
