i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
