There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
