you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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